FRANKENHOOKER.
these are bold words but this film has got to be one of the most enjoyable films i've seen all year.
this is better than time chasers. better than robo vampire.
this is the epitome of all b-grade horror films. and then some.
the premise.
a mad scientist/medical school dropout living in new jersey studying electricity is hosting a birthday party for his father-in-law. his wife has bought her dad a lawnmower. in an attempt at teaching her dad how to mow the lawn with a remote control that controls the lawnmower... the lawnmower goes renegade and chops the wife in puzzle pieces, or as the reporter calls her: the salad that was Elizabeth.
the husband goes through depression and insanity while hosting a dinner for his wife's head, which he kept after the accident. he sets out on a plan to reconstruct his wife-- very much like frankenstein's monster. he decides to go to new york city (the only city on earth where you could obviously find spare body parts), in which he hires a couple of hookers through this pimp named Zorro.
a little info on zorro. he's a muscular pimp who dresses as if he just got out of the gym in 1989-- he's wearing a neon green tank-top and zebra pants. the only line he utters throughout the whole film is: "what the fuck". he's my favorite character in film.
zorro hooks the mad scientist up with some hookers and his plan is to give them tons of crack (he constructed the crack, synthetically, and the side effect-- spontaneous combustion, exemplified through an experiment done with a hamster/bunny). he goes to the city and takes them to some "by the hour" hotel and parties with them, kind of. the hookers get restless because he hasn't done anything sexual. they're getting pissed off until they see the synthetic crack in which one of the prosititutes yells in glee: "SUPER DRUGS!!" i kid you not.
they all start smoking crack until one of them blows. (f.y.i.-- there happens to be no gore or blood in this film).
all the hookers blow up, mad scientist takes the parts, while zorro comes in to the hotel room and is knocked out by one of the hookers' head while she combusts.
mad scientist leaves and recreates the wife out of the body parts into this:
the majority of hooker limbs have taken over her brain, i guess, and she is frankenhooker.
she walks to the city and hooks up with some suitors and they spontaneously combust. she goes into zorro's bar who is still pretty shocked from the whole spectacle the night before ("what the fuck!"). he sees the monster blowing some guy up into pieces and he pretty much follows her as the mad scientist takes her back home for repair. she's already killed like 3 people and the police haven't caught on-- i love that city.
the scientist repaired the hooker so that his wife is the one in control of the body-- except zorro is in back of the scientist and he chops off his head.
at the same time, all the extra hooker limbs that the scientist kept in a fridge have evolved into these weird limb creatures and they pretty much destroy zorro.
frankenhooker is obviously a well trained surgeon-- she sews back the scientist's head into a woman's body.
the end.
yes. the end. one of the most satisfying films i've seen all year.
here's a trailer:
this film is absolutely perfect.
i got a haircut.
it's all off.
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